My kid and I have been spending a lot of time together since I quit Journalism after 14 years last week.

I should be happier that I am no longer employed, but there are those pesky things called bills that need to be paid.

Despite worrying about bills and trying to find ways to pay them, I have been having fun with my almost-5-year old, though not as much fun with his mouth.

I have no idea where my kid gets his snarky little attitude–it can’t be from his parents.

Last week I told him there was a show I didn’t like him watching.

“I don’t mind,” he said.

“No? Well, I do,” I shot back.

Without missing a beat my kid fired his own shot back at me. “Then don’t watch it.”

This weekend we drove through Wendy’s drive through and while paying for our food my kid asked of the woman waiting on us, ” Is that a man or a woman?”

“What?” I asked. “Jonathan, that is rude.”

Luckily the window was closed and she couldn’t hear the conversation.

“What?!” he tipped his head, put up his little arms and shook his head,

“I couldn’t tell,” he said.

Today in the car he told me he was warm, so I turned on the air.

“I can’t feel it,” he said, sounding exasperated.

I turned it up and tilted the vent toward him.

I told him I tilted it.

“Yeah? I still can’t feel it,” he said.

Good Lord, he really is my child!

I have no idea what the next two weeks holds for me.

I was supposed to leave my current job last week.

I was “asked” to stay on another two weeks. Really? I wasn’t asked. I sort of volunteered because no one has been brought in to replace me. If I wasn’t working in the same office with my husband, meaning he would have been left with extra work when I left, I would have bolted last week.

A big, fancy, well-paying job does not await me.

What does wait for me is a lot of uncertainty.

A friend recently commented on my Facebook that looking for a new job is “soul devouring.” She said it perfectly.

Looking for a new job has been depressing and completely self esteem shattering. The worse thing has been not hearing anything from potential employers, even if they received a resume.

I have not been called for one interview.

I’m sitting dead in the water, trying to keep my photography business afloat and wondering if I heard God wrong a few months back when I felt he was leading me to quit my job.

The best thing about all the uncertainty is having a faith in God and knowing he will provide. I have no idea how, or when, but I know he will.

Today I was cleaning out my desk at work and found an old Upper Room (a small devotional they give out at our church for free) and it was opened to a devotion about patiently waiting on the Lord.

I’ve never patiently waited for anything. I have been impatient the last few months, always expecting a quick solution.

I’ve expected photography clients to come rushing forward.

I’ve expected a job to leap out at me.

I’ve expected financial security.

I have expected all of them to happen “right now.”

None of them have. It leaves me wondering where faith begins and being naively optimistic ends.

My life has been up and down, down and up the last several months.

I’m being spun in several different directions, in some ways, and in just one in another.

Once there is a replacement at my current job, I will be actively looking for a new job or actively pursuing my love of photography, one or the other, or actually, most likely, both.

I’m not ignoring my blog on purpose — yet, in some ways I am. I’m not sure what to write here these days without sounding too depressed. Luckily not too many people read my little blog anymore.

Yesterday my best friends’ mom passed away suddenly. It was a horrible shock to them and to me. I grew up, practically, in their home so I’m feeling a bit numb and horrified all at the same time today.

I wish I could write something more happy or cheerful and I’m sure I will be able to soon.

Have anything happy or cheerful you could share instead?

Beep.

Text 2:30 p.m.: what r u donig?

Text back 2:31 p.m.: Working. You?

Beep.

Text 2:32 p.m.: nuthin. bord. can i come ovr?

Text back 2:33 p.m.: I'm at work. Maybe later.

Beep.

Text: 2:34 p.m.: K. luv u.

Text back, 2:35 p.m.: I love you too.

Beep.
Text: 2:45 p.m.: r u don yet?

Text back 2:47 p.m.: no. not yet. Talk to you later.

Beep.
Text 2:55 p.m.: r u gonna com get me? wat tyme?

Beep.
Text 3:01 p.m.: whn u comng bye?

Beep.
Text 3:03 p.m.: im bord.

Beep.
Text 3:05 p.m.: can u com no?

Beep.
Text 3:15 p.m.: cal me.

Beep.
Text 3:17 p.m.: y r u not txtin?

Text back: 3:25 p.m.: I am STILL at work.

Beep.
Text 3:26 p.m.: Oh. rit. txt me when u get out.

Beep.
Text 3:27 p.m.: r you out yet?

Text Back: 3:30 p.m.: AAAAAARGH!!!!!! Why did you mother let you have a
cell phone??!!??!!!??!!!

(Still, I have to admit that I'm glad my niece likes to talk (text) to
me. Another couple years and she'll probably only grunt at me.)

I love my five nieces — all sisters ages 4 to 10. I love them because they are smart and funny, but also because they are crazy and even more devious than I could have imagined.

This story was told to me this weekend at the 9 year old’s birthday party by Sister-in-law.

(For reference, if you haven’t read about the girls before, for the sake of my blog I have nicknamed them 1 of 5, 2 of 5, and so on, relating to their birth order).

Apparently Fiance, who Sister-in-law is marrying next year and who is AWESOME, was at home with the girls and had gone into the bedroom to watch some TV while the younger girls (ages 4, 5, and 6) were in another bedroom watching TV.

The story was told to me as this, Fiance received a phone call from a friend on his cellphone and this was the conversation:

“Hey, whatchya up to?”

“Nothing much.”

“Watchin’ the girls?”

“Yep.”

“Going well?”

“Yep.”

“You sure about that?”

“Why? What do you mean?”

“Oh, just wanted to let you know that the two little ones are on the roof outside.”

“WHAT?!”

Fiance’s exclamation must have alerted the girls that they had been found out because 3 of 5 and 5 of 5 were crawling in the window when he entered the bedroom.

Fiance’s friend had been driving by when he saw the two on the roof and decided he’d better alert someone to their mischief.

Apparently 4 of 5 wasn’t out there, which is a good thing because she was already in enough trouble for telling a classmate at her preschool to “stop being such a dumbass,” the week before.

Incidentally, and I know I am biased, but these girls are some of the most polite children you would ever meet, which is probably why these stories surprise me so much and make me laugh so hard.

Now really: do these look like girls who would get into any trouble?

yeah, I thought so.

can be found today at Gladwynn Photography.