Why is it I seem unable to keep my mouth shut, or more accurately my fingers from flying across a keyboard and sending nasty shots across a person’s bow?
Today I have declared war with a co-worker, even though I was warned by a family member not to do so.
I have, instead of letting it go, shot an email out to a co-worker after she left a note on my desk this week that I felt was insulting and rude.
Instead of “turning the other cheek” as the Bible teaches me to do, I flipped the heck out and ... after seething for two days ... slammed out a pretty abrupt response that at first I was proud of and now totally regret. OK. Not totally, but just a teensy-weensy bit regret.
I feel a little proud that I stood up for myself...for once.
I’m not even going to go into the detail of the note I was left, or the reason it burned me up so much. Let us just say it had something to do with moi feeling like the other person was trying to tell me what to do.
I buck authority, even when the person really is in authority over me. Therefore, if the person has NO authority, whatsoever, over me, I really get my knickers in a bunch.
And I’m snotty when my panties are up my crack, ya’ll. Excuse the crudeness there. It is just an expression.
I try to pray, that’s what my mom taught me to do. But unfortunately my prayers to somewhat like this: “Lord, help me to ....what the heck was she thinking leaving me that note? What did I do to make her be so rude? I mean....Lord, please help me to forgive her and let this go. OK. I’ve let it go. Thank you, Father. I feel better.”
Five seconds go by and I grab it back.
“I mean, seriously, Father, why did she have to leave that note right on my desk where everyone could see it? I feel like such a loser now. It’s not like I did that on purpose and she acted like I did and...No. No. I have to pray about this. I can let it go. I can. I CAN!”
But, I can’t and then I’m awake until the middle of the night stressin’ over it.
I felt like I was being stepped all over, so today I had to make it clear I wasn’t going to let that happen anymore and I tapped out a "poisoned e-mail," so to speak.
I mean, why can’t I just push all this anger down inside me, ignoring it and letting it form a hard little ball that eventually develops into bitterness and an ulcer, like normal people?
(You do remember I’m a bit sarcastic right?)
Why do I have to be so stupid, stupid, stupid, and tell people how I really feel – therefore “declaring war,” or creating a bed of ill feelings that I’ll later have to lie (lay, whatever) in?
Am I the only one who does dumb stuff like this and simply just can’t let it go?
Am I so insecure that I have to have the last word? And if so, am I the only one?
