There is nothing quite as embarassing as walking through the underwear section with your five year old, looking for a new bra you really need, while your five year old touches various bras and says, “How about this one, mama?”
Really loved when he stuck his hand inside one of those formed bras and said, “oooh..this one is nice.” and then stood there for a while with a delighted look on his face while he ran his hands all over it. It was like the scene with Ralphie and the lamp in the shape of a lady’s leg in A Christmas Story, the way he was admiring the bra.
Dear, Lord, give me strength for the teenage years.

I don’t even know why I left. I guess I thought I needed a change.

I didn’t. I needed to stay where I belong and be me.

I lost me the last few months. I’ve been losing me for awhile.

I hope to find “me” again and I’m coming back to Boondock Ramblings to try to do that.

Hope you will hang with me for the ride.

My kid and I have been spending a lot of time together since I quit Journalism after 14 years last week.

I should be happier that I am no longer employed, but there are those pesky things called bills that need to be paid.

Despite worrying about bills and trying to find ways to pay them, I have been having fun with my almost-5-year old, though not as much fun with his mouth.

I have no idea where my kid gets his snarky little attitude–it can’t be from his parents.

Last week I told him there was a show I didn’t like him watching.

“I don’t mind,” he said.

“No? Well, I do,” I shot back.

Without missing a beat my kid fired his own shot back at me. “Then don’t watch it.”

This weekend we drove through Wendy’s drive through and while paying for our food my kid asked of the woman waiting on us, ” Is that a man or a woman?”

“What?” I asked. “Jonathan, that is rude.”

Luckily the window was closed and she couldn’t hear the conversation.

“What?!” he tipped his head, put up his little arms and shook his head,

“I couldn’t tell,” he said.

Today in the car he told me he was warm, so I turned on the air.

“I can’t feel it,” he said, sounding exasperated.

I turned it up and tilted the vent toward him.

I told him I tilted it.

“Yeah? I still can’t feel it,” he said.

Good Lord, he really is my child!

I have no idea what the next two weeks holds for me.

I was supposed to leave my current job last week.

I was “asked” to stay on another two weeks. Really? I wasn’t asked. I sort of volunteered because no one has been brought in to replace me. If I wasn’t working in the same office with my husband, meaning he would have been left with extra work when I left, I would have bolted last week.

A big, fancy, well-paying job does not await me.

What does wait for me is a lot of uncertainty.

A friend recently commented on my Facebook that looking for a new job is “soul devouring.” She said it perfectly.

Looking for a new job has been depressing and completely self esteem shattering. The worse thing has been not hearing anything from potential employers, even if they received a resume.

I have not been called for one interview.

I’m sitting dead in the water, trying to keep my photography business afloat and wondering if I heard God wrong a few months back when I felt he was leading me to quit my job.

The best thing about all the uncertainty is having a faith in God and knowing he will provide. I have no idea how, or when, but I know he will.

Today I was cleaning out my desk at work and found an old Upper Room (a small devotional they give out at our church for free) and it was opened to a devotion about patiently waiting on the Lord.

I’ve never patiently waited for anything. I have been impatient the last few months, always expecting a quick solution.

I’ve expected photography clients to come rushing forward.

I’ve expected a job to leap out at me.

I’ve expected financial security.

I have expected all of them to happen “right now.”

None of them have. It leaves me wondering where faith begins and being naively optimistic ends.