Sometimes you simply don’t want to know, ya’ know? But still, the other person keeps on talkin’ and talkin’ and talkin’ . . .
This happened Tuesday and though it did not directly involve me, I was able to witness the oddness of it all. I often seem to witness the “odd” in life. What’s up with that?
Anyhow, a group of about 15 high school seniors were visiting the local assisted living facility Tuesday to garner advice from the elderly residents. I was there to take photographs for the local paper. They were all sitting casually in a nicely decorated dining room.
It seemed to be going well.
But before long the scene became ugly, very ugly.
The students asked the residents what they had done after high school, if they had gone to college, what activities they had participated in during high school, what type of music they had listened to in their youth, etc.
It was going fairly smooth and then Little Italian Lady (I call her this only because she kept saying ‘We’re Italian, you know…”) spoke up.
She had been talking about curfews and her father who was “a real gentleman,” then somehow she got off track.
“Back in the day all the Italian woman owned boarding houses,” she said. “My grandmother owned one and my father stayed there. That’s when he saw my mother. She was 12.”
I glance at the students and one of the girl’s eyes widen to the size of saucers and she looks at a student next to her and then catches my eye. I can tell she and I are thinking the same thing.
“Oh crap. Where is this going?”
“He told my grandmother that he wanted to marry her daughter,” said Little Italian Lady. “But my grandmother said, ‘she’s only 12.’ My father said he didn’t care and if she didn’t agree to let him marry her he’d kidnap her. Well, they agreed to let him marry her and two months later he brought her back. He said, ‘Well, all she thinks marriage is about is cleaning. She needs to have it explained to her.’”
Little Italian Lady and Second Little Italian Lady start to laugh. I’m holding my notebook in front of my face to cover the fact I’m about to burst into laughter.
Wiser Older Lady sees that wherever this story is going it is not going to be good and attempts to derail it.
“So,” she says, turning to the students. “Do any of you hold positions in your class, like secretary or president?”
“I’m secretary,” says one girl, seeming to be pleased with the interruption of Little Italian Lady’s story.
“I’m president,” another young man says.
Unfortunately, Little Italian Lady is not to be deterred and forges ahead with her horror story.
Other Little Italian Lady laughs and joins in with Little Italian Lady’s story.
“I know. I know… back then they didn’t tell you about that stuff,” Other Little Italian Lady cackles.
“We didn’t know about sex,” Little Italian Lady says, now fully laughing at her story.
The students are talking over her here and there,
trying to steer the conversation away from Tour of Old People Sex Lives.
“Well, she gave my father ten children, so I guess she figured out what it was all about,” Little Italian Lady declares with a laugh.
And with that I excused myself, grateful I had another appointment and I could laugh my butt off in my car on the way down the road and not in front of those horrified and mortified students.
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For more horrifying and mortifying stories CLICK HERE.
For more unsolicited sex, or solicited, depending on the day, CLICK HERE.
Retirement community visits are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get! LMAO!
I would have laughed right there.
You know, a friend of mine had a relative in a retirement home. It was an old geezer and the old man to woman ratio is like 10 women for every man up in there. Well, he would totally sneak out of his bed in the night and have old people hook up sex in the retirement home – and he’d get busted repeatedly by the staff.
Hey, old people need love, too, right? Hell, when I’m old, I hope I’m getting some.
Though decidedly, if I’m getting some when I’m old, the lights will be off and lots of alcohol will probably be involved.
I completely feel for those girls! Strangers and very recent acquaintances always seem to think that I want them to confide their deepest, most intimate moments with me! I’ve heard stories that would curl your hair! One time I was training a new coworker when she went to take a potty break. She came back and very matter-of-factly asked me what it meant if it burns really bad when she pees. Apparently she had lost her virginity the week before and now some “symptoms” were appearing. I immediately pulled my manager aside and informed him that, due to an eye-opening, and potentially “irritating”, revelation, I would be in the break room with goggles and rubber gloves on, scrubbing the bathroom with the most potent chemicals I could get my hands on. 45 minutes later, you could’ve performed surgery in that bathroom! Floor, sink, toilet, walls, and ceiling (yes, ceiling) were sparkling and VD free! And this was one of the tame stories I’ve been told!
OK we owned a Adult Living Facility and although I agree that elders need love too it’s not pretty to walk in on (cue bad 70′s porn music bowm chicka bowm bow)..lol Especially with incontinence and all the mishaps of aging (Screeching halt on the music). Ohh I have many, many stories you don’t want to hear. Bit disturbing that her Granny married her mum off at 12, different times.
12?! Holy age difference, Batman!
I happen to love off the wall conversations like that, but that may not have been the best time for that particular topic to be discussed. Way embarrasing! I would have laughed on the spot, though, if I had been there. How in the world did you keep from laughing as long as you did?
Noone over the age over 70 should ever discuss anything about sex with people under the age of 40. Its just wrong.
Sorry, Dr. Ruth.
Hehe…my Grandma is about to move into one of these places…I wonder what kind of stories I’ll get to hear when I go visit!
You know, they used to say the same things when I would go visit my great-grandfather. They’re probably daring each other to see who can shock the kiddies when they come. “Hey, Vern! I give this boy 10 minutes before he laughs or cries!”
I love the whole, “I’m old, I can say whatever I darn well want now” attitude! Can’t wait until I am that way. I totally care too much what people think.
I think I’ll be the type of granny who’ll go around pinching the young lads bums pretending I don’t know any better, Alzheimers and all…lol
Kirsty:
Ooooh..you dirty thing! Maybe I will be too….
Sarah:
I know, isn’t that attitude great? Sometimes?
Jen:
I agree that is probably what they are doing.
Jenn:
Please do let us know what you hear.
Jinksy:
Agreed…..Sorry Dr. Ruth
Anna:
Yeah, that was what I was thinking!
Fold My Laundry….umm…I am disturbed by that chick and your story in fact.
The Mom and Tranny Head:
Box of Chocolates, yes…scary box..yes.
Tranny Head…did I really need to know that? LOL!
I’m supposed to wait until I’m old to say whatever comes into my head? Whoops.
First, thanks for stopping by my place to say hello. I agree that PB&J in a Bowl is a good laugh. I have her on my Google Reader and check on her as often as I can.
As for the old folks stories… as long as I don’t hear “Want me to tell you some tricks.” or “I could teach young folks today a thing or two…” then I think I would be fine.
Diesel:
I think men just do it even before their old, so you’re good.
What a cute story and I love the picture of the two girls – you can almost see the “fear” on their faces – HA!
So glad you came by – very nice to meet you. I hope you have a good evening and I hope to see you again soon- Kellan
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