So Hubby got me a new cell phone, as I mentioned before. Its a VCast thingee with a keypad thingee and it flips open. There are a lot of thingees that go with this particular cell phone.

Don’t get me wrong. I love it..yet, I don’t. You see, it scares me. It has all these features that totally confuse me. While messing around with it to try to figure it out I wondered how many buttons I had pushed that might be charging me $10 a bump on my next wireless bill.

You can download music on to it and take photos with it and spy on your neighbors with it and push a red button and blow up half of China. It is very impressive. And scary.

Did I mention it scares me?

See, that is what is sad about me. Not only do some people intimidate me, but phones intimidate me. That is sad. Pathetic even.

Let me tell you about the people who intimidate me. People who seem to be in control of everything intimidate me. People who are too out of control intimidate me. People who don’t talk a lot intimidate me and make me talk more. People who answer questions like “How are you?” with “OK,” and then don’t elaborate not only intimidate me, but irritate me. People who dress nice intimidate me. Skinny people intimidate me.

Shall I go on? No, I don’t think so either.

So this phone intimidates me. It’s like a girl in my office. Not because it is very thin and complicated and she is too, but because like her it is mysterious and I can’t figure it out.

She and I are alone together in the mornings, but I might as well be alone. I attempt to strike up a conversation with her, but each morning she makes it clear she’d rather not converse with me at all. I’ll ask her how her day is going and she’ll answer with “Good.” and then turn back to her desk. Sometimes she doesn’t even turn around, she just keeps typing away on her computer. It isn’t that she’s deep in thought or working hard either. She’s surfing the net a lot of the time (I don’t do that, of course. Because I’m perfect, in case you didn’t know. I’m also sarcastic, in case you didn’t know.)

Because she won’t talk to me I know very little about her. I know she’s married and her husband will soon be going to law school and she’ll soon be moving. But I don’t know her, ya’ know what I mean? So one day I see her on blogger (oooops…will I get kicked off WordPress for writing that?) Ummm..so one day I see her on a blog creating site. I can’t get a clear shot of what the name of her blog is, but it’s killing me not knowing what she’s writing about. I mean, maybe it is personal stuff and I might actually learn something about her. Right?

Eventually I figure out the name of her blog (no, I’m not going to tell you how because then I would have to kill you). Turns out it is about how she and her husband are going “green.” No, they aren’t becoming Irish. They’re getting more environmentally conscious.

Yaaaawn!

It details all this crap that she’s trying to be more healthy and use less chemical-producing products in her house. Whoop-de-friekin’-do.

Mysterious my butt. She’s just as boring as the next guy (girl, wha’ever).

So, maybe in the same way this phone is just as boring as the next phone.

Or maybe it is a weapon of mass destruction that has been placed in the completely untrained hands of little ole’ me. Thanks to Hubby I may soon blow up the world. Brace yourselves folks. Luckily, this thing is too complicated, though, so most likely I won’t know which button to push to do it.